I was talking with Brenda about some of what I wanted to say. She reminded me that this blog is for me. It doesn't matter what other people say or think. She, of course, is right. She said just write is as it flows from your fingers. So, instead of worrying what people think (my number 1 character flaw) or how it will come out, here goes:
I have been working on being more thankful and positive in my life. Several times a day I go to thankful.com and write out little thankfuls. I have been doing this for a while now and I have seen it really change my attitude. The other thing I have been working on that kind of corresponds with this is being content with what I have.
Both of these attitudes is teaching me to be receptive and open to receiving the abundance the universe wants to give me. I have also been trying to meditate as well. I have never really meditated before and I am not sure exactly what to do. Some of the things I have read discuss a mantra. I was never quite sure what a mantra should be.
Last night, I had to force myself to stop reading my book and go to sleep. The book, Riding Lessons by Sara Gruen, is so good it is hard to put down. Well it was 1:15 and I really needed to stop. I could have stayed up all night reading it-its that good.
So while I was laying there wide awake, I decided to try some meditation. I decided to just keep telling myself I am OK. So my mantra was, "I am good. All is good." I struggle with self confidence and figured this would be a good place to start.
A little background info on my week: when I got to work last weekend, my boss had left a note saying I was doing something wrong at work. I knew I wasn't, but I was afraid she thought so. (Needing other people's approval of what I do is another struggle I have.) Even though I knew I was doing the right thing, I am hurt when people question my integrity. So I was really bothered and getting all worked up about this. Long story short, I had to stop in work yesterday to get something and I got a chance to talk with her. After talking with her and getting it straightened out, I felt much better. It turns out she was not questioning or criticizing what I did, she was just passing along the way someone felt. My boss knew I was doing everything right and really does appreciate me. I felt better that this was resolved in my mind. Along with some other ways I reacted to events of the week, I realized that I am indeed a work in progress and still have lots to learn. So-back to last night.....
I was thinking, praying, meditating that I really need to work on my attitude. So I asked God, the Universe, whatever, to make me be less irritated and more patient. Then there it was! An epiphany! I heard a little voice in my head that said that's not how it works. You have to learn how to do this, it isn't just a given. So, at that moment I realized I will be given lessons on how to do this. What that means is that I will be given more scenarios to see if I am learning how to respond better. If I don't respond positively, there will be more to come until I get it right. I was kind of like DUH and oh wow all at the same time.
Its amazing how life teaches us as we go. As I am learning to be more receptive to the universe, I am now learning I need to work on my attitude as well. I want to continue to improve and be the best me I can be. I enjoy the teachings of the Tao and those types of philosophy. That is what I am striving to be like.
For an easy read and a good way to understand the philosophy of Tao, I suggest the Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet. Both are very good reads and helped enlighten me to the way of Tao.
Let the journey continue..............